Found these jokes at DollieCrave..
A True Senior Moment An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the
kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said,
"Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really
great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know...
the one that is red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes," the man said and then he turned toward the kitchen and
yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?"
Things a Mother would never say. 1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
3.Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.
4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed
and walk him every day.
5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like
I'm running a prison around here.
8.Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
9.Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.
Oink Quack A big, fat lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
The bartender says," Hey, where'd you get the pig." She says,
"It's not a pig it's a duck." He says, "I was talking to the
duck."
He is not stupid! Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"
"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."
Confused Child Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse
and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my
bra", which he does.
"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.
His mother then says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!
The seal A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing," his mother asked
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
The nice guy A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
Heard the planes too.. We heard them first, then heard it on TV.. So it's like, an echo lol..
