JokeS

Little Johnny's Halloween

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No, said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Special Remedy

One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.
A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."

In school one day, the teacher decided that ...


In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

There was a little girl named Fufu ...


There was a little girl named Fufu.

She went to school one day and her teacher said, "How do you spell your name?"
The girl replied, "F.U. - F.U."

Her teacher sent her to the principal's office.

She got to the principal's office and he said, "First off, how do you spell your name?"
She said, "F.U. - F.U."

He said, "YOU ARE SUSPENDED!"

Running for Office

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

Update: Hiatus Signs up!

EDIT: Hari Raya is tomorrow! Yea! I know I will not have the time to post tomorrow because I will be busy visiting my father's side, so I will take this opportunity to say this.

To all Muslims:
Saya ingin mengambil kesempatan ini untuk memohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya ada terkasar bahasa, terlajak kata dan tersinggung perasaan, harap dapat anda maafkan.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Dan Batin!

I don't know if my Malay is correct.

I'll let my personal editor, aka Susu, to tell me if I'm wrong =D