Saturday, November 19, 2005

Jokes

Telling Time

The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

"How will that help?" said the second boy.

"Just do it," insisted the first.

Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs.

Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"


An American at Oxford

An American was visiting Oxford University for the first time, and stopped a passing Oxford don to ask a question.

"Excuse me," said the American, "can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at? "

"You are probably unaware" sneered the don, "that you have just ended your sentence with a preposition. You may wish to rephrase your question."

The American began again: "Can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at, YOU JERK!"

Rabbits Multiply

When Mrs. Smith came home one night she was horrified to find her son with his hands round his pet rabbit's neck, shaking it and shouting, "Come on then. What's five and three?"

"Stop it at once," she yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Well, teacher told us that rabbits could multiply quickly. This one can't even add five and three."


I Won't Go

Man to his wife...."I'm not going to school today. The teachers don't like me, the kids call me names, even the janitor's rude to me."

Wife: "Don't be silly. You have to go. I'll give you two good reasons why."

Man: "What are they?"

Wife: "One, you're forty years old; and two, you're the principal."


Froggie Future

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Great," says the frog. "Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," said the psychic, "Next year - in biology class."

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